It was semi-refreshing news last week that a three-judge
panel of the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled 2-1 to declare
that California’s Prop 8 violates the civil rights of folks like me. The
“semi-“ part of this news is about the dissenting judge’s vote. Generally I
approve of dissent. Democracy works best when we all can speak what’s in our
hearts. However, I’ve spent much of my nearly eight decades overhearing the
comments of folks who think folks like me should be snuffed, or at least denied
the rights and privileges of ordinary American citizens. I quake at this
glimpse into the thought processes of that third judge. I’d thought judges were
folks who’d gotten farther along than most of us toward balance and fairness.
On the other hand, I sometimes wonder if a lot of this
bru-ha-ha could have been avoided if we’d all understood two things. The first
is that “Civil Union” is a very sweet phrase. It can describe a kind of
marriage more rewarding than the
“only-one-person-can-wear-the-pants-in-this-relationship” kind of marriage that
all too many folks settle into. We might do well to adopt it as the defining
phrase for the legal and financial aspect of marriage for all of us. If a couple seriously agrees to attempt the discipline
of a truly civil union, with all the
on-going consideration of the other
this would demand of both parties, there might be less incivility in marriage,
and fewer divorces. When divorce is unavoidable the parting partners might more
readily be restored as friends.
This should work, if the
license issued or cancelled gives us equally
the thousand or so federally sanctioned economic and political benefits that
married couples today get from the feds. Certainly it should not give some of
us only what our particular state grants us, while others get the whole
enchilada.
After getting that license, we might go to our houses of
worship to share this pledge with beloved family and friends for a marriage
ceremony, if those traditions are meaningful to us. Certainly we wouldn’t want
to coerce anyone to marry us who would prefer to have us snuffed.
This society was, after all, from the time it was defined by
our Constitution, one that claimed it would not coerce anyone into believing or
disbelieving any particular religious doctrine. Though we have not always lived
up to that fine sentiment.
This brings up the second thing that might have
helped us avoid much of this mess, the beliefs of the “Pilgrims”. Every
Thanksgiving we honor, in caricature, the Plymouth Colonists, who ended
up contributing in a profound way to our Constitution’s First Amendment.
The Mayflower passenger roster was about 40% made up of church
separatists (later known as
"Pilgrims") who played a critical role in the middle of the Atlantic,
averting a mutiny against the captain. The crew would have turned the ship toward
disaster in trying to return to England across the stormy Atlantic in
November. As a result of this skillful negotiation, at landfall our Pilgrims were
put in charge of organizing the colony. The “Mayflower Compact” deeply
influenced the writing of both the Declaration of Independence and the United
States Constitution.
The Pilgrims were deeply
religious, but their “separatism"
was about keeping the secular affairs of state and the strictures of church
separate. Mentioned specifically in their doctrine is belief that marriage is
not a sacrament, as claimed by other Christian sects. It is merely an economic pledge
to protect spouse and children. This was one of the “heresies” that brought persecution
and imprisonment on them in England, first under a Catholic king, and then
under Church of England and Puritan regimes. These Separatists thought of
themselves as First Century Christians hewing to a doctrine preceding later
accretions of more imperialistic intent.
Our democracy is trumpeted around the world as the best form
of governance for all people whatever their religious bent. So we must include
our forebears' insight that, whatever religious constrictions might apply,
marriage is a secular matter that has legal and financial consequences impacting
a couple’s inheritance rights, taxes, passports etc. quite separate from their
religious affiliations. Not allowing some loving unions the same Federal financial
and legal benefits as others makes no sense if this really is to be a model for
governance worldwide, as our politicians claim.
We still have a long struggle
ahead, all the way to the U.S Supreme Court.